"You're so Two Thousand and Late"

what does that even mean? i'm so 3008, you're so two thousand and late! like really fergie, could you create a more lame lyric to a more lame song?

well actually, "boom boom pow" by the black eyed peas isn't the worst song on their most recent album The E.N.D. but one of the worst of this decade. what a way to close the 00's with one of 2009's most commercially successful albums, but worst musically.

and here is my first album review...on the Black Eyed Peas' most recent release, The E.N.D. or (The Energy Never Dies). well which is it?! are you trying to be clever? is this the end as we know it? what are you trying to tell us will.i.am?

so the peas decided to "rock down to electric avenue" with this album. well not quite, that's actually a good song. i shouldn't compare the two. well anyway, they took a more techno route, different from their past albums "monkey business" and "elephunk"...you know i was expecting another quirky animal title like "wesuckapotamus" or "boom boom kung pow chicken" or just "bitch". but sadly they broke that chain. so the album really brings you into a whole 'nother dark dimension of your local hollister store. let me just say, whoever did the bass tracks (you know the cheek-rumblin' stuff when you're sitting in a car) is pretty good. the balance of the "heartbeat" (as i like to refer to it as) is just right with the rest of the music, except when fergie starts to flex the old galvanized pipes. and then you're forced to turn the volume dial wayyyyyy down, but even turning the whole thing off won't drown out her voice.

it's pretty piercing, and you can tell she's really trying to pull an aretha, but failing horribly.

then again, maybe she's doing us a favor, by making us turn the volume down far enough so that we can't hear the rest of the crap on the album. good for you stacey.

and don't get me started on the lyrics...

...or do, that's fine too. the black eyed peas have proven with this album that they are possibly the worst lyricists out there. sorry, "rock your body" has already been used. good effort. "you make me feel alive" - aw that's adorable...and well DUH the energy NEVER dies will.i.am. never. "party all the time"...possibly the simplest and least creative lyrics in that song, hence the title. "ring a ling" is actually a better song of theirs...oh but wait it's about sex. again. nevermind.

and then there's "i gotta feeling". this song will go down in musical history for being at number one for so long. i can't wait to look back at the old billboard albums that give all the number ones of each year. there it is 2009, i gotta feeling. i had the chance to listen to this album literally the day it came out last june. why i bought it so eagerly is beyond me. and even before that song came out as a radio single, i thought it was easily the worst on the album.

and it is. it's horrible. so what will has a feelin that tonight's gonna be a good night. good for him. it happens to the best of us. and the worst of us. there should be a song entitled "i got no feelin" and have it be about erectile dysfunction. that'll sell millions! well maybe not, it's a little TOO creative for the radio.

AGAIN i'll go back to the topic of simplicity, and how the radio features artists who spend 3 hours on makeup only to make them look like tools, have some rich producer behind them purchasing radio play, and only have to write a song based off of people's facebook statuses for it to be good. people eat up what's on the radio. they'll eat anything. they'll learn every word of every crappy song just so they can sing it to their poser friends in hope that they might find them not so socially awkward anymore.

so in conclusion, this album was (and is still) so commercially successful because the black eyed peas have built up their fanbase so high that no matter what color vomit comes out of their mouths, people are going to like it. and DON'T get me wrong, the unsophistication of their music and of every other current hip hop artist's music is catchy. and the lyrics are so bad that it's impossible not to learn them all on first listen. so go ahead, impress your friends by knowing every song on this album by heart. now THAT alone is worth $14.99 off iTunes.

Personal Rating: 3/10


Cheers!

-Johnny